Tuesday 29 April 2014
I haven't been very good blogging but to be honest I have had some very emotional rollercoasters. Things have been tough on some days and the last thing I wanted is to do a dreary blog .I have other health conditions that have slowed me down and broken down my barriers throughout this battle. I am now coming up for my last chemo round . The round before this was tough as I was admitted as an emergency with a 38 temp and then later that eve I was admitted to Intensive care unit. I had a catheter fitted , my bloods were all over the place , my heart rate fast (tachycardic) a fever and a headache fit to burst. In intensive care I cannot fault there care shown. On the first day or so there was always two nurses to keep me well looked after . The findings of my stay worked out to be Neutropenia sepsis .
Sunday 29 December 2013
16 th of december day of the Mastectomy .
Early morning wake up call today I need to be on the ward for 7.00am at Addenbrookes for preparation for surgery. I have to say today feels busy and I would like to curl up and go back to bed.
I find myself trying to make myself presentable and working out what to wear to make myself feel and look great . I forgot to mention over the last week or so a rare thing has hit me to feel a little selfish and want things for myself . I think I felt by loosing a breast my femininity would be damaged a but like damaged goods on a fruit counter. So instead of walking around at home in a slumber wearing pjs or whatever was remotely comfortable . I had this idea I would go into hospital sparkling and looking stunning . So first I find a good Xmas Classic jumper , ooh a pair of leather boots , jacket (fur) but not real . In between this I'm saying to my husband what about the kids Xmas and feeling a sense of guilt but feeling a need to be satisfied. Not to mention lol I decided I wanted some socks as I get cold feet . What a picture I'm going to look all smart but casual and worried if everyone would see yes the socks .
Well today is the day of a real difficulty I think with emotions high but still no tears ....who knows why . So we arrive early as arranged and I wait to my ward . So many people there so early not all for the same reason. Can you believe they do a mastectomy and if all is well they send you home the next day !!!!!! I remember when I had my first baby I was in hospital for a week.
In the mean time I'm thirsty but I can't drink and haven't drunk up until a certain time the night before. They allow me to take my normal medication with some water which was a blessing and then do all there normal observations . This is preparing me for what's to come , my surgeon came to see me to have a chat just to go through what will happen . Not to mention my tattoo given of where they would work on .
I have to say yet again I have been fortunate to be treated so well and with the utmost dignity at all times. If I had a question they would answer it but 9/10 they would have told me everything .
Although I got there early I was in line to go into surgery at 11.00 am I was the third on the list . I waited with my husband until my time was up to go in but it looks a while yet . Its all go here patients ready for day stay the hustle and bustle of the ward. Whilst we contemplated what was to come we were fully informed all the way along which was reassuring for jay and myself.
Going into Surgery wasn't quite as worrying as I thought it would be so that was less of a worry for me than it was for jay. It wasn't long once settled in the operating theatre and the staff chatted with me whilst preparing me to be under anaesthetic. We started to count 1, 2 , 3 gone I am surprised how quick I was out like light.
When I awoke my inner fears of Surgery were over and I woke up in recovery and my surgeon came to tell me things went very well and according to plan with no complications. A big sigh of relief for me. The first thing I admit to doing was looking and the wound as it wasn't covered ...im not sure what I think but however I am not terribly shocked either. Its quite bizarre I have this kind of neutral feeling if my breast was still there The cancer could get so much worse. This way I have the chance for it to be gone from the breast where the masses were. The one other thing found In surgery was they took two Lymph nodes away that shows up as being a possible problem.
I was so happy to see jay in recovery he was the first person I asked for , so they went to get him for me.
Jay and I sat and chatted in recovery and had a cuddle but I was quite sore and felt a little restricted in movement. Everyone is different though in how they are affected after surgery and I felt extremely tight in moving my left arm. I was offered pain killers after surgery but I didn't take the stronger pain option. I was very proud of myself for that reason and I wont forget that.
I was on a four bed bay at Addenbrookes and the people around me inspired me 2 had Cancer of other types and one lady was in due to an attack near to her door and was slashed in the face. I said I couldn't help but overhear her tragic consequences of the senseless attack on her. Such a brave lady and she was expecting as well. People find outstanding bravery and she was one solid and amazing person. At one point I remember saying to her about what happened to her and she asked about me . I found myself saying oh its just cancer!!!!(did I really say that, the answer is yes ) I am more worried about you. It must be the motherly instinct knowing she was pregnant and she was only young .
I had a little unsettled night getting comfortable plus I had the added drain attached so there wasn't a fluid build up of fluid on the chest wall.
I cant actually believe this but if I am well I go home tomorrow possibly with drain. Night all zzzzzz See you tomorrow x
I find myself trying to make myself presentable and working out what to wear to make myself feel and look great . I forgot to mention over the last week or so a rare thing has hit me to feel a little selfish and want things for myself . I think I felt by loosing a breast my femininity would be damaged a but like damaged goods on a fruit counter. So instead of walking around at home in a slumber wearing pjs or whatever was remotely comfortable . I had this idea I would go into hospital sparkling and looking stunning . So first I find a good Xmas Classic jumper , ooh a pair of leather boots , jacket (fur) but not real . In between this I'm saying to my husband what about the kids Xmas and feeling a sense of guilt but feeling a need to be satisfied. Not to mention lol I decided I wanted some socks as I get cold feet . What a picture I'm going to look all smart but casual and worried if everyone would see yes the socks .
Well today is the day of a real difficulty I think with emotions high but still no tears ....who knows why . So we arrive early as arranged and I wait to my ward . So many people there so early not all for the same reason. Can you believe they do a mastectomy and if all is well they send you home the next day !!!!!! I remember when I had my first baby I was in hospital for a week.
In the mean time I'm thirsty but I can't drink and haven't drunk up until a certain time the night before. They allow me to take my normal medication with some water which was a blessing and then do all there normal observations . This is preparing me for what's to come , my surgeon came to see me to have a chat just to go through what will happen . Not to mention my tattoo given of where they would work on .
I have to say yet again I have been fortunate to be treated so well and with the utmost dignity at all times. If I had a question they would answer it but 9/10 they would have told me everything .
Although I got there early I was in line to go into surgery at 11.00 am I was the third on the list . I waited with my husband until my time was up to go in but it looks a while yet . Its all go here patients ready for day stay the hustle and bustle of the ward. Whilst we contemplated what was to come we were fully informed all the way along which was reassuring for jay and myself.
Going into Surgery wasn't quite as worrying as I thought it would be so that was less of a worry for me than it was for jay. It wasn't long once settled in the operating theatre and the staff chatted with me whilst preparing me to be under anaesthetic. We started to count 1, 2 , 3 gone I am surprised how quick I was out like light.
When I awoke my inner fears of Surgery were over and I woke up in recovery and my surgeon came to tell me things went very well and according to plan with no complications. A big sigh of relief for me. The first thing I admit to doing was looking and the wound as it wasn't covered ...im not sure what I think but however I am not terribly shocked either. Its quite bizarre I have this kind of neutral feeling if my breast was still there The cancer could get so much worse. This way I have the chance for it to be gone from the breast where the masses were. The one other thing found In surgery was they took two Lymph nodes away that shows up as being a possible problem.
I was so happy to see jay in recovery he was the first person I asked for , so they went to get him for me.
Jay and I sat and chatted in recovery and had a cuddle but I was quite sore and felt a little restricted in movement. Everyone is different though in how they are affected after surgery and I felt extremely tight in moving my left arm. I was offered pain killers after surgery but I didn't take the stronger pain option. I was very proud of myself for that reason and I wont forget that.
I was on a four bed bay at Addenbrookes and the people around me inspired me 2 had Cancer of other types and one lady was in due to an attack near to her door and was slashed in the face. I said I couldn't help but overhear her tragic consequences of the senseless attack on her. Such a brave lady and she was expecting as well. People find outstanding bravery and she was one solid and amazing person. At one point I remember saying to her about what happened to her and she asked about me . I found myself saying oh its just cancer!!!!(did I really say that, the answer is yes ) I am more worried about you. It must be the motherly instinct knowing she was pregnant and she was only young .
I had a little unsettled night getting comfortable plus I had the added drain attached so there wasn't a fluid build up of fluid on the chest wall.
I cant actually believe this but if I am well I go home tomorrow possibly with drain. Night all zzzzzz See you tomorrow x
Saturday 21 December 2013
Third appointment 12 and then the 16th for my mastectomy
Today is my third appointment I'm of to see what the next plan of action is !!!!!
I don't know what today will bring but I will find out what will happen ..whether it's treatment or an operation. I am happy to say I have been told the cancer hasn't spread to the lymph nodes . I am so pleased with this result it means that currently I need to await the decision of surgery.
My surgeon meets us in a small appointment room and she is suggesting I have the mastectomy and all of the lymph nodes removed . Although we are concerned about the amount of time I am under anaesthetic. I have found out also that 1 in 5 people get lymphedema. This would mean my arm would swell up and my hand giving me limited arm movement. There also is another dilemma to this decision as there is no medicine that will help the arm go back to being normal. This could be a potential knowing my bad luck that I would be the 1 in 5 . Now my next decision there is free surgery spot this week on Thursday. Arrangement were made for me to go and see the pre assessment unit for surgery. So many questions to answer to be prepared for the mastectomy . The one thing I have maintained is my sense of humour and my faith . My husband has been a rock and I don't think he understands why I still haven't reacted the way he thought.
I don't know what today will bring but I will find out what will happen ..whether it's treatment or an operation. I am happy to say I have been told the cancer hasn't spread to the lymph nodes . I am so pleased with this result it means that currently I need to await the decision of surgery.
My surgeon meets us in a small appointment room and she is suggesting I have the mastectomy and all of the lymph nodes removed . Although we are concerned about the amount of time I am under anaesthetic. I have found out also that 1 in 5 people get lymphedema. This would mean my arm would swell up and my hand giving me limited arm movement. There also is another dilemma to this decision as there is no medicine that will help the arm go back to being normal. This could be a potential knowing my bad luck that I would be the 1 in 5 . Now my next decision there is free surgery spot this week on Thursday. Arrangement were made for me to go and see the pre assessment unit for surgery. So many questions to answer to be prepared for the mastectomy . The one thing I have maintained is my sense of humour and my faith . My husband has been a rock and I don't think he understands why I still haven't reacted the way he thought.
Tuesday 17 December 2013
Today we find out the results of the recent Biopsy Monday the 9th December
This is my second appointment and although the news isn't good from the first sit down with my the professor of Radiology. I am positive I will overcome what comes to me next even be it bad news. The idea is to keep positive and move to the next plan B....my appointment is at 10.30 and will know what the next step is.
Why does times drag when your waiting for an appointment ? hence I am sitting in the breast clinic lots of people gathering for appointments . I am a little tensed and there is a door automatically opening and closing . How irritating is it normally I wouldn't mind but wow this irritates. I feel like I've been sitting here for ages but with all intense purposes I've turned up early..my husband looks at the time and we are early. I first found a lump a few months and the reason for writing this blog is to express how important it is to never speak out through embarrassment , Its silly to hold back and leave things. Always speak to your GP about your concerns. I can say the my GP is the most approachable GP but stupidly I left this , I never followed up this problem due to all the times I've been managing other illnesses that have taken a grasp of my life.
I had so many dreams when I was younger to be an actress a big star of the screen but along the way it became increasingly difficult for me to fulfil some of my hopes and dreams due to illness or stress related issues.
A very good friend when I was at school moulded the start of my teenage years to whom I thank . My friend Natalie Hawes had leukaemia and I never understood why she was taken so young. One thing I learnt about her is that her mum said she always talks about me , Sonia this Sonia that . why do we find this out when people have gone and its too late. The British stiff upper lip doesn't allow us to always show how we feel. I made it my way to always tell people how I feel. If I care , if I think there good at something but always express how I feel. if there good at what they do , there job singing , art and more.
Anyway back to the appointment I went into a small room and spoke to a breast specialist she shook her head ( I knew then this was Cancer ) My only real option available had been put forward to there specialist multi disciplinary team was to have a mastectomy on the right breast, I wondered whether there was any chance of the tumours being reduced but this wasn't the option available.
They were very kind and sensitive and asked me if I wanted to ask any questions. I didn't really have anything to ask at that point . However I agreed to surgery and they had a space available that coming Thursday 12 the of December. The surgeon wanted one of the certain anaesthetist and they were available that day so I thought at that point the inevitable would happen. I thought the sooner it was done the better
Why does times drag when your waiting for an appointment ? hence I am sitting in the breast clinic lots of people gathering for appointments . I am a little tensed and there is a door automatically opening and closing . How irritating is it normally I wouldn't mind but wow this irritates. I feel like I've been sitting here for ages but with all intense purposes I've turned up early..my husband looks at the time and we are early. I first found a lump a few months and the reason for writing this blog is to express how important it is to never speak out through embarrassment , Its silly to hold back and leave things. Always speak to your GP about your concerns. I can say the my GP is the most approachable GP but stupidly I left this , I never followed up this problem due to all the times I've been managing other illnesses that have taken a grasp of my life.
I had so many dreams when I was younger to be an actress a big star of the screen but along the way it became increasingly difficult for me to fulfil some of my hopes and dreams due to illness or stress related issues.
A very good friend when I was at school moulded the start of my teenage years to whom I thank . My friend Natalie Hawes had leukaemia and I never understood why she was taken so young. One thing I learnt about her is that her mum said she always talks about me , Sonia this Sonia that . why do we find this out when people have gone and its too late. The British stiff upper lip doesn't allow us to always show how we feel. I made it my way to always tell people how I feel. If I care , if I think there good at something but always express how I feel. if there good at what they do , there job singing , art and more.
Anyway back to the appointment I went into a small room and spoke to a breast specialist she shook her head ( I knew then this was Cancer ) My only real option available had been put forward to there specialist multi disciplinary team was to have a mastectomy on the right breast, I wondered whether there was any chance of the tumours being reduced but this wasn't the option available.
They were very kind and sensitive and asked me if I wanted to ask any questions. I didn't really have anything to ask at that point . However I agreed to surgery and they had a space available that coming Thursday 12 the of December. The surgeon wanted one of the certain anaesthetist and they were available that day so I thought at that point the inevitable would happen. I thought the sooner it was done the better
.JPG)
Thursday 5 December 2013
The beggining of a rollercoaster journey
Our Family Journey as I am diagnosed with Breast Cancer 2nd December
.JPG)
My husband and son
The first people I would like to thank is my Husband jay helping me throughout my illnesses already in existence and for telling me to get checked Also I would like to thank my GP to whom I wont name without her consent. If I hadn't of had a good husband or a good GP I would likely still be going on with these two Cancerous Tumours without knowing !!!! Its so important to check any abnormality's you may have noticed because it could be something or nothing but either way Its worth sharing the information rather than leaving it .
Appointment 1 Hospital The day is the ....of December and I have been given the news of high possibilities of Breast Cancer . I had mammogram and an Ultrasound and the staff have been amazingly kind and considerate to the need of my care . I have to say the care is somewhat amazing and generally outstanding . The professor who treated me found 2 solid masses one measuring 5 cm and the other measuring 3 cm . I think she is almost certain by her wording chosen . I have taken her given news on-board and am thinking how to tell my family and friends the ghastly news. My husband jay is totally shell shocked but in the good spirit of myself I always find something to laugh about. Last year I was diagnosed with two different types of sleep apnoea just before Christmas . I did comment on this as I wandered whether maybe my Christmas present could be slightly more fulfilling like a new pair of boots or a handbag or even a holiday on the NHS lol. I cannot quite explain how this all feels other than quite surreal . I have had a biopsy on my right breast and after extensive comforting conversations. I feel in the safest of hands in this warm welcoming unit . On leaving my appointment I did say jay can you pinch me I think maybe this is a bizarre dream. A small pinch to the arm made me realise this was happening and these conversations and biopsy's happened . As I said a small ouch !! on the pinch this gave me confirmation of the reality of the morning.
On the way home whilst my hubby chatted in the car with what I say my near enough Son in law I stayed in a stunned silence and listened to music. As we were receiving calls to find out if all was well we waited to speak when we could gather our daughters round to the house to talk about the very ghastly possibilities. in that was a flicker of the smallest of light it would be so I was almost certain as the professor. I have to say I am glad I was prepared for the worst news rather than ultimately be completely shocked when I came back to the next Monday appointment.
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